Positive Living From Here to Eternity

yourinfinitespaces: Benji’s vet appointment was pretty easy. Except he called my baby GERIATRIC!...

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 00:06:07 -0500

Benji’s vet appointment was pretty easy. Except he called my baby GERIATRIC! (gericatric?) I know he’s 10, or nearly 10? Maybe fully 10? Honestly, I’m not even sure at this point. But my baby is old! That’s so weird. The vet said he could be losing weight because his metabolism is fluctuating or it’s still psychological. They took blood and it all came back good! So he isn’t sick, no cancer, no diabetes, no anything. I’m so happy. Apparently he is too because he hasn’t left a lap unless it is for another lap since i got home from work. Old age is making him so super snuggly. Either that or Luna is.

Good news for baby, but my sister-in-law called my sister today to let us know our mom checked herself into the hospital with chest pains. :( Sis-in-law was worried no one would tell us anything until after, so she called. She’s been texting updates and everything seems ok. They did an EKG and blood work and everything seemed to check out. And her blood pressure went down while she was there. Tonight she is staying in the cardio center just to be sure everything is good. It’s really frustrating.

I know she’s upset and not doing very well at all with her parents’ deaths, but she is now putting her life in danger in the process. She’s been struggling with her weight for pretty much ever and they have been warning her about her heart for the last 5-6 years. But with her depression and everything so bad right now, she hasn’t cared at all and has gained a lot of weight. Mandy is mad. It’s the only thing she can be right now without bursting into tears. She’s afraid (and rightfully so considering our maternal medical history) that if mom keeps up this trend it will end up with us burying her sooner than later. I’m trying not to think down that road. But I do hope this scares her a little. Something to motivate her into caring again.

le sigh.

Listening to OLP today while I clean up and make dinner. I love...

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 23:13:50 -0500

Listening to OLP today while I clean up and make dinner. I love their older stuff so much, but it brings back a wash of terrible memories. I lived in such a dark place during some of these albums.

It is nice realizing how much I’ve come through and how much better I feel today. I wouldn’t ever go back to then, not to re-do, re-face, or re-live any of it.

It's been so long. Hi, again.

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:12:02 -0500

It’s been ages since I’ve written in here. I’ve been sort of text posting over on my other (main?) blog, but I miss it over here. It feels like this is where I want to keep my text posts, especially considering how I’m changing the other one in small steps.

Life is good. It is always good, but things are changing, moving. It’s a nice feeling. I’m working, I’m massaging, I’m studying crystals, I’m meditating, I’m eating better.

It hasn’t been easy, that’s for sure. Working has been hard. One of the places just wasn’t picking up, people weren’t coming in, and people weren’t coming back. It has been frustrating and discouraging and hard. But I found a new place. It’s closer to home, it’s more medical based, the lead LMP has been doing this for over 10 years. His experience and advice alone make it worth it, but it’s also busier. Hopefully I will be taking on more days over there in March. Which will be so great to finally feel like I’m contributing to our income. It’s been such a long year feeling like I’m holding us back.

All you can do is those circumstances is keep moving, though. Keep believing, make necessary changes, and never give up. It finally feels like it’s paying off. All the positive energy and the effort of knowing it would are finally circling in.

Don’t give up on your path. Be prepared to make changes and always, ALWAYS keep moving. And most importantly - it’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to be frustrated. It’s okay to feel like it will never work out, but never let it consume you. Acknowledge those feelings and let them be for a short time, then figure out what you need to do to make it better. What CAN you do? And then do it.

Believe in it. Believe in you. Believe you deserve the best.

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and..."

Tue, 04 Sep 2012 14:18:02 -0400

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand wrapt in awe, is as good as dead.”

- Albert Einstein

Photo

Mon, 20 Aug 2012 15:52:11 -0400

Life is all about decisions

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 22:30:03 -0500

The other day I was talking to my neighbor about life. About the things we’ve been through and the things we’ve put ourselves through. It made me think of this.

The one thing I keep saying is this is your life. And I mean that and follow through with that ever day. Are you running your life or is life running you?

I believe that part of what makes me content and happy in life is acknowledging my decisions. Recognizing that every choice and non-choice is still my decision. I can look around and back and see that letting life rule was still my choice. Yes, I sat back and watched, but that was still my choice. It’s a decision I made. Sometimes I regret that decsion, but I know I learned things from it.

Maybe we can’t change or decide everything, but we can decide some things. How we deal with things, how we face things, what we say, what we do.

When you start taking control over your decisions - over your life - it changes things. It changes how you perceive the world around you when you feel in control.

Make every decision you make matter. And recognize that everything you do is a decision.

Photo

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 19:41:02 -0500

"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination"

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 12:57:56 -0400

“The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination”

- Albert Einstein (via thegirlnamedlyngholm)

I am a bitter, bitter princess and I hate that.

Thu, 25 Aug 2011 19:52:42 -0400

I am a bitter, bitter princess and I hate that.

Baby steps. Baby steps

Thu, 25 Aug 2011 17:03:17 -0400

Headed to the baby sis’s new apartment with my other sis. I hope it goes well. I am a little nervous, but trying not to be. I can do this.

I just did something I did not think I would do again. But I’m sort of proud of myself. I...

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 14:25:00 -0400

I just did something I did not think I would do again. But I’m sort of proud of myself. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t like holding onto these things and if you are really going to change and be a better person then I’ll give you that chance.

I just added my baby sister on Facebook and I’m about to put her phone number in my contacts. I even told my other sissy that I would go over to her house next week and help starighten stuff up. (they just moved to their own apartment)

I’m terrified she is going to ruin this, but I can’t keep expecting her to her mother. It’s quite possible that this family is exactly what she needed and I want to at least try. She really seems different and I hope it stays.

This last month has been the most exhausting and emotionally draining month in a very long time....

Sun, 14 Aug 2011 15:40:37 -0400

This last month has been the most exhausting and emotionally draining month in a very long time. I’m so glad my sister is finally home and Marie won’t be working a bunch or 12 hour days anymore.

Since my sister had her baby I’ve been fighting with my negativity and trying to stay positive. It’s been horrible. It’s so easy to fall into old ways and let misery take over your life. Today I’m laying in bed and moping. It is obviously not helping me feel better, but I just don’t want to feel better righ now.

I want to be at a concert. I want to be surrounded by strangers and get lost among them and the music around me. It’s hard to explain to most people I know how badly I needed that show today. I’m tired of feeling like this. I’m tired of snapping at people and losing my patience at the drop of a hat. I neede that emotional release and physical lift a concert gives me.

But I’m here in bed not wanting to cheer up or try. If I’m not there I just want to be alone.

via Stephen R. Donaldson’s gradual interview

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 00:39:14 -0400

via Stephen R. Donaldson’s gradual interview

Nothing makes me more heart broken than to see people I care for struggling through life and things...

Tue, 02 Aug 2011 04:05:22 -0400

Nothing makes me more heart broken than to see people I care for struggling through life and things Marie and I have struggled through. Is it the same stuff? Probably not, but it’s similar enough that I can relate.

There were years where it felt like the only thing that could be counted on was that something would go wrong.

Losing jobs, pay cuts, food stamps, borrowing money, sickness, car troubles, apartment problems, life, family.

It does get better. Can I just tell you I never thought it would. I went through years of believing I would never see 30. I would never be able to be content with my life. There was no future to plan for because what was the point?

It does get better.

Our Potential

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 23:24:26 -0400

joelpiper:

Most people who say you can’t.. only look at your present. Your God looks at your potential, waiting for you to press on.

Hey, you're beautiful.

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 17:03:54 -0400

scrubss:

No matter what size, what height, what hair color, what skin color, what gender you choose to be with, what country you’re from, what state your from, what choices you make, YOU ARE FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. I promise. I know, you don’t feel it. You see other girls and think “why can’t I look like that?”, but someone thinks that about you. Someone looks at you and sees their entire world. Even if they don’t yet, they will. Someone will treat you how you deserve. Someone will give you their heart, and hope you give them yours in return. Things wont always be bad…they do get better. It may take awhile, but I swear they do. If you feel lost now, one day you’ll be found. You’ll find your home, your place in the world. And all that time you spent depressed and searching will be well worth it. There’s hope in now, int he future. Stop focusing on what you don’t have, and realize what you do. Realize all the things you’re lucky enough to have. Stop and take a deep breath, just to realize how lucky you are to be breathing. Smile, smile at others, smile at yourself. Turn your music up, drive for no reason, enjoy your day. Life’s only as a good as you make it. You have the power to make yourself, and others happy. Use it.

j3dimaster: positives to being facebook friends with kellin,...

Tue, 26 Jul 2011 02:38:51 -0400

j3dimaster:

positives to being facebook friends with kellin, you always get his wise advice.

I wish

Sat, 23 Jul 2011 03:24:31 -0400

I wish I could be happy for her.

I wish I wouldn’t let her get to me like she does.

I wish I didn’t let her mother do the same.

To all those who believe they aren't good enough

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 01:33:47 -0400

scooby-snacks:

take time to think about who you are.

search deep inside and find the one person who brings out your best.

be it family or friend.

now take that best and make it regular.

you can fight and keep yourself from falling.

you are good enough.

but you have to tell yourself that.

don’t let it be too late.

Ugh. So hard. So hard today. And yesterday. I’m emotionally and mentally drained past...

Sat, 16 Jul 2011 22:41:37 -0400

Ugh. So hard. So hard today. And yesterday.

I’m emotionally and mentally drained past anything I’ve been in months. Since before I even started this blog.

We’re going out tonight. Hanging out with people. I hope it helps. I need hugs and reminders and positivity around me, but all I want to do is curl up and sob.

I hate this. I don’t want to lift myself out or try. I just want to stop. I haven’t felt this awful in so long.

Things are looking up, too. My boo got a promotion at work which means more money, bills getting paid off, and we will actually be able to afford our move to Vegas which will equal even more income and savings and the future we want. A house. A family. It’s getting there. Slowly, but we’re doing it and I can see it happening.

We are going to have a family and we are gonna do it right. Our children will never suffer through parents who argue about money or have to work all the time. Our kids will grow up in a house with 2 parents who love them more than anything and can give them all the memories and love and essentials they need.

I wish I wouldn’t let all this upset me so much. I hate feeling punished for doing things the right way.