The other day I was talking to my neighbor about life. About the things we’ve been through and the things we’ve put ourselves through. It made me think of this.
The one thing I keep saying is this is your life. And I mean that and follow through with that ever day. Are you running your life or is life running you?
I believe that part of what makes me content and happy in life is acknowledging my decisions. Recognizing that every choice and non-choice is still my decision. I can look around and back and see that letting life rule was still my choice. Yes, I sat back and watched, but that was still my choice. It’s a decision I made. Sometimes I regret that decsion, but I know I learned things from it.
Maybe we can’t change or decide everything, but we can decide some things. How we deal with things, how we face things, what we say, what we do.
When you start taking control over your decisions - over your life - it changes things. It changes how you perceive the world around you when you feel in control.
Make every decision you make matter. And recognize that everything you do is a decision.
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination"
— Albert Einstein (via thegirlnamedlyngholm)
(via thegirlnamedlyngholm-deactivate)
I am a bitter, bitter princess and I hate that.
Headed to the baby sis’s new apartment with my other sis. I hope it goes well. I am a little nervous, but trying not to be. I can do this.
I just did something I did not think I would do again. But I’m sort of proud of myself. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t like holding onto these things and if you are really going to change and be a better person then I’ll give you that chance.
I just added my baby sister on Facebook and I’m about to put her phone number in my contacts. I even told my other sissy that I would go over to her house next week and help starighten stuff up. (they just moved to their own apartment)
I’m terrified she is going to ruin this, but I can’t keep expecting her to her mother. It’s quite possible that this family is exactly what she needed and I want to at least try. She really seems different and I hope it stays.
This last month has been the most exhausting and emotionally draining month in a very long time. I’m so glad my sister is finally home and Marie won’t be working a bunch or 12 hour days anymore.
Since my sister had her baby I’ve been fighting with my negativity and trying to stay positive. It’s been horrible. It’s so easy to fall into old ways and let misery take over your life. Today I’m laying in bed and moping. It is obviously not helping me feel better, but I just don’t want to feel better righ now.
I want to be at a concert. I want to be surrounded by strangers and get lost among them and the music around me. It’s hard to explain to most people I know how badly I needed that show today. I’m tired of feeling like this. I’m tired of snapping at people and losing my patience at the drop of a hat. I neede that emotional release and physical lift a concert gives me.
But I’m here in bed not wanting to cheer up or try. If I’m not there I just want to be alone.
Nothing makes me more heart broken than to see people I care for struggling through life and things Marie and I have struggled through. Is it the same stuff? Probably not, but it’s similar enough that I can relate.
There were years where it felt like the only thing that could be counted on was that something would go wrong.
Losing jobs, pay cuts, food stamps, borrowing money, sickness, car troubles, apartment problems, life, family.
It does get better. Can I just tell you I never thought it would. I went through years of believing I would never see 30. I would never be able to be content with my life. There was no future to plan for because what was the point?
It does get better.
